Bomb Club Review
Remember that Achewood strip where Ray does a properly miserable poem at Laszlo’s because Lyle shot his car?
“To me a flower is but a nuisance;
Sunlight the blossom’s accomplice.My car has been shot.”
I think we can all relate, but at the moment I’m struggling to figure out what part of my life is my shot car- the dark of winter, the drop in temperature, the pandemic, living in the UK, the inexorable tug of the grave? Whatever’s to blame, the flavour of food and the solace of flesh is not something I enjoy or seek. Only in a video game way, mind you!
Like a fucking idiot I told the O3C Discord that I’d buy the first JRPG announced in the last Nintendo Direct, which ended up being Astria Ascending. The premise sounds solid- a party of Demi-gods trade all but 3 years of their remaining lives to protect the world from monsters called ‘noise’. They look cool, there’s a mix and match job system, skill trees and sidequests!!! I’m absolutely not equipped to review it properly though, because I’m stuck about 5 hours in- not even on a boss or anything impressive, just an encounter of eight insects that outspeed me (first striking doesn’t guarantee going first in combat which is a choice tantamount to a war crime) every time, just turning all my weird half-human, half-animal heroes into leather. Janky controls, some weird camera glitches and the worst voice acting I have ever heard, like, worse than Baten Kaitos bad. And it’s not even like the dialogue is any good to mitigate it! It’s all cliched heroism and, weirdly, snotty and toothless racism? A big thing is made about how all the races live together with the power of Harmony, but given how literally everyone seems to hate each other I assume Harmony is some sort of tyrannical brainwashing program that we’ll have to destroy, a la Yu Yevon, but the stakes rarely elevate above random encounters and someone hissing ‘watch it, gills’ to one of those little fishbowl people. I’m hoping it’ll get a spit-and-polish patch soon- 3 stars so far. Like a small car that hasn’t had a wash in a while, it doesn’t do anything really wrong, but its a bit boring.
I recently beat Ocarina of Time again, and while I was super pissed about the input lag, the weird fog/no fog and general sloppy emulation issues that everyone seems to be picking up on, I still choked up in the end sequence. Zelda placing her hand on Link’s, forlorn and regretful, as she sends him back to the past gets things started, then that shot of Mido and King Zora sitting at the edge of Lon Lon Ranch during the credits party, mourning the loss of their respective friend and daughter just fucking ruins me every time. I didn’t play through the game just to get to the ending, but I will admit there was something I was longing for that just... never came.
It’s something that’s been troubling me for a little while now- am I outgrowing gaming? Is this hobby that I’ve loved for decades fading into static, ready to be replaced with the shit old men do, like going to the garden centre, adopting a Jack Russell and wearing trousers that come up to my tits?
Nope!
I once read an interpretation of Le Chatelain de Coucy et la Dame de Fayel that said, after the good lady was fed the heart of her lover by her husband, she declared that it was so delicious she would never eat again (instead of, you know, being disgusted at eating a human heart and packing away the cutlery for the rest of her days). Today, Antoine Latour is the jealous husband cracking out the skillet, serving up something so delicious nothing I play from now on will ever be as good. What’s he poured out into my brimming bowl? Bomb Club.
Bomb Club is an amazing experience in every metric you can measure a game by. I found it on the App Store one evening on holiday, as my wife and I were searching for more shite point-and-click games to get pissed off at before going to bed. ‘Free?’ I thought to myself, ‘Fine, we’ll give it a go, see how egregious the ads are and make a decision to keep it in a few minutes’, as is my way whenever I see something that has ‘GET’ instead of a price. This game has no ads.
‘Not even opt-in ads to top up your energy meter? The energy meter that limits you to 5 levels at a time, and gets refilled at a rate of one bar every three fucking days?’ This game has no energy meter. You can 100% it for free in one sitting. There’s 4 paid DLC packs that give you masterclass levels, and by the time you start sniffing around to see how much of the game is behind a paywall you’ll just buy them there and then because why the hell wouldn’t you? It’s the most fun you’ve had in decades.
It’s a puzzle game! The Bomb Club makes bombs to blow up in a safe and controlled environment, as it should be! Bomb on the ground? Blow it up! Bombs next to each other? Blow one up, and let it blow the other one up! Another bomb next to that? Blow one up, and so on and so forth! It’s a chain reaction game. Each bomb has a different blast radius, and different effects- the standard bomb blows up everything in the 8 spaces surrounding it, whereas the baby bomb (or as I like to call it, the ‘Pokemon Red Bomb’) only blows up bombs in the cardinal directions. The more you play, the more bombs you unlock. Perhaps you’ll enjoy the laser bomb, that blows up everything on its X or Y axis? Or the sleep bomb, that stops adjacent bombs from blowing up at all? Each new bomb adds a layer of complexity to the simple premise, and each one is spaced out just enough that you aren’t overwhelmed, rather delighted at each new discovery. Every explosion is a microdose of dopamine, and when you nail a chain reaction? Ooh Lord
It looks great! The artwork is really nice. I don’t understand why the industry is so obsessed with racing towards building systems with the most realistic graphics- what would you rather have as a centrepiece this Christmas- a gingerbread house, or a effigy of the newborn Christ made of mince?
Hand drawn characters! Rounded edges! Fun expressions! If I wanted to look at something realistic I’d look at something real.
It sounds great! The music is great, and whenever you set off a chain reaction everything blows up in time. A simple touch, but greatly enjoyed!
It plays great! Place the bombs, blow up the bombs. Hold the fast forward button if you like! Press the cancel button if you’ve had a flash of inspiration to get a ‘Perfect!’ And tweak your setup.
As I was playing I experienced something I’ve never felt before. Each new bomb, hat and area has an introductory cutscene! Tutorials are woven into the dialogue masterfully- each new mechanic is something that has been made by a member of the Bomb Club, which gives every new facet of the game a more personal feel. Ian will coolly explain how a bomb he designed works, but a few levels down will watch with a panicked exasperation as Jon gives us a demo of his latest creation that creates a small black hole. Maggie enthusiastically slaps hats (and therefore, special effects) on different bombs, and everyone gets freaked out whenever Blake does anything.
Now, I play a lot of RPGs, and always enjoy a cutscene here and there- I like getting to know the characters I’m playing as! I like exploring the world I’m in and discovering how everything works in this universe! But it’s always been a passive enjoyment. Not so with Bomb Club- one night I was up until 3am because the little cutscenes are so enjoyable, I was sat up in bed going ‘ok if I go down this path then I can unlock this bomb for the next bit of dialogue, then circle back and find out what they have to say about the graveyard’. I’ve never enjoyed characters so much in a game that I’ve felt a compulsion to get to the next tutorial! That’s fucking nuts!
It’s the best mobile game I’ve ever played. It’s joyous, generous and so well-made that despite it’s infancy, for me it’s immediately been slingshotted to the hall of fame alongside things like Grindstone and New Star Soccer.
The deluxe version had just been put on Steam- slap it on your wishlist here!